Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
