New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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