By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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