I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
