It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
