my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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