I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
