If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
