dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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