Too much gin, very little bucket
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
