you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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