i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
