had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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