last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
