just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
