I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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