two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
