Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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