i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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