i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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