is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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