While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
