omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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