I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
