How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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