If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
