found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
