So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
