where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize