I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They have beer where we have blood.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
