I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
