This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
