yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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