Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
