me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
