when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize