I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
