if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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