Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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