things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
