Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
