There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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