so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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