Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
