batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
