In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
