Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
