thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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