Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
