We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
