well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
