I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
