So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found puke in my bra..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
