Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think your dad took our porno
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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