i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
