Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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