I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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