he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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