did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
