I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I pour the whiskey from now on
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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