my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
