If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
