I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize