In the future we'll all be gay
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
