Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
