you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
