Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
