yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
