He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
