***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
