is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize