If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
