he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
