In the future we'll all be gay
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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