You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
