doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
