so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
