When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize