i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
